Trusting the Chapters We Can't Yet See

The Butterfly Effect of a Life

Photo by Namukolo Siyumbwa on Unsplash

Dear Lovely Reader

Sometimes I wonder what it would be like if we knew the future.

Imagine being able to go back and sit beside a younger version of yourself. Maybe the version of you from ten years ago. The one who was worrying about things that hadn’t happened yet, trying to make decisions with only the information they had at the time, carrying hopes they couldn’t yet see the outcome of. What would you tell them?

A friend and I were talking about this recently. We were reflecting on where we were a decade ago and all the things we never could have predicted. It made me think how comforting it would be to travel back for just a moment and whisper, “You’re going to be okay.” To reassure that younger self that some things won’t unfold as expected, that some dreams will change shape completely, that some endings will become unexpected beginnings.

Part of me loves that idea.

Wouldn’t life be so much easier if we knew? If we could skip the uncertainty and avoid the heartbreak? If we could point ourselves in exactly the right direction and save ourselves from the mistakes, the grief or the detours?

But then I wonder... if we knew the ending, would we ever become the person capable of living it?

Because so much of who we are is formed in the in-between.

It’s the conversations we never expected to have. The disappointments that forced us to change direction. The relationships that taught us who we were. The moments that stretched us far beyond what we thought we could survive. None of those experiences felt like gifts at the time, yet so many of them quietly shaped the person standing here today.

Perhaps the destination was never the whole story. Perhaps it has always been about the path that gets us there.

I don’t know whether life is completely mapped out before we arrive or whether our choices slowly unfold the next chapter as we make them. I honestly don’t know. Maybe it’s a little of both. Maybe there are moments that are meant to find us, but how we arrive there is influenced by every decision, every lesson and every act of courage along the way.

What I do know is that our choices matter. Our intentions matter. Sometimes we’ll make decisions that, looking back, we wish we’d made differently. But even those choices we label as “wrong” often become the very things that guide us towards where we needed to be all along.

Life has a funny way of doing that.

It’s impossible for me to think about this without thinking about the butterfly effect. One tiny change. One different decision. One conversation that never happened. One road not taken. How many other moments would have shifted because of that single change? Would the people we know still be in our lives? Would we have discovered the same passions? Learned the same lessons? Become the same person?

We’ll never know.

And perhaps that’s exactly how it’s meant to be.

As much as I love to imagine those alternate versions of my life, I also recognise that every experience has become part of the tapestry that makes me who I am today. Even the chapters I would never choose to relive have given me compassion, resilience, perspective and a deeper appreciation for the moments that bring joy.

So instead of wishing I could rewrite the past, I’ve started asking a different question.

What would I say to every version of myself that brought me here?

I’d thank her, I’d you did the best you could and you did well.

I’d hold her through the moments she thought she couldn’t survive. I’d remind her that she was stronger than she realised. I’d tell her she didn’t need to have everything figured out. I’d celebrate the courage she didn’t even know she had. I’d tell her that even on the days she felt completely lost, she was still moving forwards.

And perhaps that’s something we can all do.

Take a moment to think about the version of yourself from five years ago. Ten years ago. Even last year. What would you want them to know? What comfort would you offer? What encouragement would you give? What would you thank them for?

Because wherever you are today, they helped get you here.

I know there are chapters of my own life that have been incredibly difficult. Chapters I would never have chosen. Yet when I look back now, I don’t only see the pain. I see the people who stood beside me. I see the tiny moments of hope. I see the strength I didn’t know I possessed. I see how every drop eventually became part of a much bigger ocean.

Life is made up of countless stories, crossing paths with one another in ways we’ll probably never fully understand. We each carry our own journey, our own challenges, our own unexpected turns, and somehow they all weave together into something far greater than we can see in the moment.

So yes, I’ll probably always wonder “what if?” I think that’s part of being human.

But alongside that question, I’m learning to ask another.

What if I can trust that this chapter, just like all the others, is leading me somewhere I can’t quite see yet?

Perhaps we don’t need to know the whole story.

Perhaps all we need is enough faith to keep turning the page.

I’d love to hear your thoughts on this, share with me here or on instagram @thehannahwallace.

It’s disability pride month, so I’ve written my thoughts and poured my heart into this blog post. I’d love to hear your thoughts. If you feel called to share this to raise awareness, it would be really appreciated.

Re sharing the most recent podcast with Violet Skies the author of “The Violet Flame”.

Listen to this insightful episode below.

This week’s card is from Kyle Gray’s “Keepers of the light” oracle deck.

This week’s card is Mercury: Open Communication, and it couldn’t feel more fitting for the collective energy right now.

We’re deep in Mercury retrograde, a time that often gets a bad reputation, but I actually think there’s so much wisdom within it. For anyone unfamiliar, Mercury retrograde is an optical illusion where the planet appears to move backwards from our perspective here on Earth. Astrologically, it’s often associated with communication, technology, travel and reflection. Things can feel slower, conversations can become muddled, technology has a habit of misbehaving, and plans may need revisiting. But perhaps rather than seeing this as something working against us, we can see it as life inviting us to pause.

Because the truth is, we aren’t designed to move at full speed all the time.

If we’re constantly rushing from one thing to the next, eventually something has to slow us down. Sometimes that comes in the form of exhaustion, sometimes frustration, and sometimes simply the realisation that we’ve forgotten to check in with ourselves. Mercury retrograde offers us a chance to breathe. To reset. To realign. To notice what needs our attention before we continue moving forwards.

Communication is no different.

The most meaningful conversations often aren’t the quickest ones. They require pauses. They require listening just as much as speaking. Sometimes we need space to find the words we’ve been searching for. Sometimes we realise that it’s not what we’re saying that needs to change, but how we’re saying it. We can’t discover that if we’re constantly running on the treadmill of life without ever stopping to catch our breath.

This card speaks about getting something off your chest, using your voice and allowing yourself to be heard. Perhaps over the last few weeks you’ve felt something building inside you. Maybe there’s been a conversation you’ve been avoiding, feelings you’ve been keeping to yourself or boundaries you’ve known you need to express. This week may gently bring those things to the surface.

As Mercury begins preparing to move direct on the 23rd, the energy may feel a little intense. Things could still feel slightly muddled or misunderstood, and you may notice moments where communication feels sticky or unclear. If that happens, don’t force it. Pause. Listen deeply. Give yourself permission to reflect before reacting.

Sometimes the most powerful communication is knowing when not to speak just yet.

Just as importantly, notice how you’re communicating with yourself this week. The conversations happening inside your own mind matter just as much as the ones you’re having with everyone else. Are you offering yourself kindness? Are you listening to your own needs? Are you speaking to yourself with compassion?

Your inner voice shapes so much of your outer world.

If things feel frustrating this week, if conversations don’t quite land as you’d hoped or plans don’t unfold smoothly, try not to see that as failure. Instead, ask yourself what this pause is inviting you to notice. Perhaps this isn’t the right week to push ahead. Perhaps it’s the week to rethink, to reset and to prepare for what’s coming next.

Trust your own timing.

Mercury has a wonderful way of revealing what needs to be seen when we’re willing to slow down long enough to notice it. Sometimes open communication looks like having the difficult conversation. Sometimes it looks like setting a boundary. Sometimes it looks like asking for help. And sometimes it looks like choosing silence until the moment feels right.

Whatever open communication looks like for you this week, remember that your voice is yours. It is one of your greatest sources of choice and personal power. It’s easy to lose ourselves in other people’s opinions, expectations or noise, but this week is an invitation to come back to your own truth. To speak when it feels aligned. To listen when wisdom asks you to. To release whatever has been weighing on your heart so you can move into the next chapter feeling lighter and clearer.

So don’t expect everything to flow perfectly this week. Mercury retrograde rarely works like that. Instead, meet any bumps in the road with curiosity rather than resistance. Slow down where you need to. Trust what unfolds. And allow communication to open in exactly the way it needs to, knowing that sometimes the greatest clarity arrives after we’ve given ourselves the space to pause.

I hope everyone has a good week ahead, do share this with anyone who may enjoy it, it’s greatly appreciated.

All my love

Hannah x